Whatcha got? I got nothing


Hot water heater broke-Wall is soaked. My face swelled up, apparently I am attractive to myself as my salivary glands swelled up 😉. Today has been a day. Not a good one, but a day.


If there were a god. Don’t you think in this day of social media that god should have just come out by now and said “Hey, stop using me as an excuse for being an asshole!” #commandment number 11 bitches

I laughed my ass off last night thinking about my possible living situation next year.
See I live in a house and as a house dweller I do and say things in my own space that I couldn’t do as an apartment dweller.
Last night there was a huge and I mean HUGE storm. The furries went ape shit. They were screaming at the wind. I was tired and yelled “Shut the fuck up!” and then started giggling thinking “Yeah, I probably can’t do that next year”.
Today I was told that I don’t understand poor and wouldn’t until I move there. She said I will be “Can’t afford anything on the dollar menu poor.”
I am kind of freaked out now. I already know I need to come up somehow with thousands of dollars to move. It is scary changing your destiny.

Hope your Monday was survivable 😉

Most truthful line in a movie

One that smacks down all that fake romanticized crap. Is strangely in Men in Black:

- “You know what they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”.

- “TRY IT”

As independent as I am sometimes I truly believe I need a keeper. Not in the owing sense, but in the keep me safe from myself sense.

Times I have needed this service:

🍷 Drinking in public (without it I have gotten drunk and accidentally had sex with my ex)

🚗 Driving in strange cities. I have absolutely no sense of direction. I will truly believe I am going the correct direction and end up in the unsafest area in any city. Cough, cough multiple times

The newest area though is:

🍀 Changing my sheets. I just did that and managed to snap the top sheet up high enough that the ceiling fan grabbed it. No need for the gym today- cardio ✔

Holy crap as much as I amuse myself. I seriously wonder how I am still alive sometimes.

👼 Holy Crap 👼

👼 Yesterday I jogged 5 miles. Today my whole body thinks I am an asshole.

👼 X used to tell me I was sexy. I used to minimize it and I never believed it. I so want to repeat just one of those times and say “Hell yeah I am”.

👼 The new Share a Coke with campaign may actually get me to stop drinking Coke. The other day I opened one without looking at it and walked away. As I walked back in the room I saw that it said “Share a Coke with Dad”. I stopped short and just said “AHHHHHH fuck you Coke”

👼 Last night I totally pulled an accidental “get off my lawn” to a group of high schoolers. I totally looked like a mean lady and it was completely on accident. I laughed so hard and apologized.

👼 I have met some amazing people through Tumblr. Thank you all for letting me peek into your lives.

👼 I can’t wait to check out cities next month.

👼 I miss Highbob. I wonder where he went.

My exciting Saturday night.

She is always late which is a crack up because you could run bets on how late she will be. Tonight I ran a mile and a half before she arrived. Holy crap it is humid and gross out there. I can’t believe I spend my free time running and working out now. I am slightly stronger emotionally and hella stronger physically. It keeps me out of trouble.

Slow down party girl.

I did a step class and then ran 2.5 miles (okay hopped, skipped, walked,and jogged) 2.5 miles (What? I am always honest).

Came home and showered and the gym friend I made wrote to apologize for missing the gym today. She wants to meet tonight to run on the track.

So, my Saturday night is glow sticks, stranger sex, and various alcoholic drinks.OH I AM SORRY… I mean running on a track and avoiding the soccer balls from various kid games that I am sure will be going on.


And she’s off

Her rocker BUT also to the gym to work out emotional, physical and sexual frustration.

Get into trouble while I am gone.

Funny sentences with no context

• Eyes are like assholes

• I stomped on electricity because I was mad at my feet!

• You’re very pretty.

• You will need to buy medical plastic sheeting if you are going to try that.

• Seriously I love you, but for the love of Pete stop pooping on the floor!

Okay I am done now. All of these sentences were uttered by me or someone I was talking to in the last 24 hours and they cracked me up. Yes, I am easily amused, but it is good for me. If I wasn’t I would be in a straight jacket and that is no joke.

Have a fantastic Saturday.