Whatcha got? I got nothing

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So the world didn’t explode. I went to Tokie’s. It was just as good as I remember. Victor remembered me and made me favorite that isn’t on the regular menu (shown). It was a nice dinner and very weird.

Edit: I will admit even though I was pretty sure he never goes on Sundays, I do look sexy as fuck. If I was going to be surprised and have to leave I wanted to look good walking out. Until I burst into tears in my rental.

So the world didn’t explode. I went to Tokie’s. It was just as good as I remember. Victor remembered me and made me favorite that isn’t on the regular menu (shown). It was a nice dinner and very weird.

Edit: I will admit even though I was pretty sure he never goes on Sundays, I do look sexy as fuck. If I was going to be surprised and have to leave I wanted to look good walking out. Until I burst into tears in my rental.

I really like the giant trees and panoramic view of the ocean from Pacifica. This morning I braved 4 freeways to get there.

I wandered up and down the beach getting soaking wet. I played a game on whether or not the waves would reach me. I was right 90% of the time. I loved every time I was wrong. The beach was packed with surfers, today is officially the last day of summer. I was wearing a hoodie, they were surfing.

Fruit had a party on the beach, sadly they didn’t invite me or the bananas.

Watching a SF game in SF is hilarious. Shhhh don’t tell anyone here I said that. I really like football, fans here kind of desperately love it.

Tonight I am going to my favorite sushi place. Fuck it!

In all my sadness, I forgot one thing. I am awesome and I should give myself more credit.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Today I am going to drive 30 miles to a beach. Yeah not so Eco friendly, I am usually good about those things. Today not so much, but I need something new with no memories and walking on the beach makes me calm.

I am also going to look at places I saw on Craig’s list. Holy shit it is expensive here. Unless some silicone valley billionaire rents stuff cheap, out of the kindness of his heart made of money- I am sooo screwed. I will need to make AT LEAST 20-25 thousand more just to be as poor as I am at home.

I am also going to find the downtown area and try and figure out the neighborhoods that are no further than 2 miles from it so I can walk most places. I like that feeling, of just opening your door and walking downtown. At home nobody walks.

I don’t mind doing things alone. I wish it were a temporary thing, it isn’t though. I wish I made different choices in my life.

Today is my last full day. I hope I don’t spend the evening in the motel again. I hope to figure out something to do this evening.

I just realized I have no idea how to turn in a rental car! As much traveling as I have done this is my first solo trip in the states. Whenever I visited other states it was to visit people. Never had to rent a car before. This is so weird, I am an adult or as near as I will ever get.

I am asking for trouble and I know it. It is the reason I have felt uneasy in a place that is so comfortable to me.

I am trapped in one of the most exciting places in the country. Because of where I ended up staying I am way too close to X. The closest downtown area is his town. So, I can’t go there. Being in San Francisco proper alone is not smart especially when you are as direction challenged as I am. It is a long drive or a long train ride away from here. Besides wandering around there during the day is one thing, doing it at night is just plain asking for trouble.

I don’t know the towns around here enough to try and drive around. Plus I know for a fact that Saturday nights it is impossible to park in the town I want to live in and was supposed to be staying in.

Around this motel is a freeway, yep that is it. No wandering around a pretty town. Which is what I wanted.

I am so sad that things are so bad between us that my best friend for nearly 10 years is literally 3 miles away and I am sitting in a motel room alone.

The city- if you read nothing else read the last one.

🚉 Found the train station, figured out fares and got to the city :-). There was a gentleman on the train who was very mad at someone I couldn’t see. He was yelling about people being nosy. Edgar Alan hipster Poe got on the train, that was fun.

🌉 I was just going to get off and explore, but I decided to do the touristy pier 39. Why? Because last time I got hammered in Chinatown and don’t remember most of the walk there at all. Plus they have the best grilled cheese sandwich ever at Boudins.

❤ I may believe love isn’t real for me, but my cold heart wishes it for others. Today I cried, I cried happy tears because I witnessed the most amazing proposal ever.

💍 Walking down one of the docks there was a couple and the moment they passed a bench a street performer started singing. The girl stopped and exclaimed “that is our song!” I didn’t think anything other than the performer was really talented until I saw a group of people each holding a sign. The signs together spelled out “will you marry me?” She couldn’t see them as they were behind her. When the song was over the man turned her around to see the signs and she started screaming and hugging him. He reached into the performers guitar case took out a bouquet of flowers and a ring and got down on one knee. It made me cry, It was so sweet.

Going to try and take my giant ocean curls to the city. I AM GOING ON A TRAIN!! If you don’t hear from me again. Well I fucked up

Any question on why I want to move? I had to use the heater this morning! This walk made my hair curly, my skin sticky and sand stick everywhere and I loved every second of it.

Okay trying this again

Sans nearly vomiting. I am up, I am going to shower and look cute. I am going to the beach to walk around and collect shells. Then I am going to brave the trains into the city. I can do this! I can so do this. Hopefully 😜

WTF

My flight left 3 hours late. The hotel is off the freeway and so there is no cute town to walk around in this Friday night. I did however almost throw up the food I didn’t eat today when I decided to just hang at the hotel and plan tomorrow and wanted something to drink.

GPS told me there was a grocery store 1.5 miles away off the freeway. Yeah the moment I saw it I realized that I completely fucked this up. On the map there is a town in between where I am and where X lives. In reality I pulled into the grocery store that I walked by at least 40 times. I could have walked to his house from there.

It took me 5 minutes to get out of the car. I don’t want to see him. It won’t be good for me emotionally, I had no idea I was so close.

Going to find the long way around the town I actually wanted to stay in tomorrow. Or I will hang out downtown or go to the beach. I need this trip to be good. I will make it good.