Whatcha got? I got nothing

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Three for Friday because I am a rebel.

My dresser project didn’t go as planned. When I tried to distress it the garnet color just turned pink where I sanded. You couldn’t see the green at all. I dislike the color pink so I just repainted it and did the drawers a dark green. I am kind of digging it. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it is okay.

I was telling the story of the creepy neighbor watching me to my friend except I said “So, there is a fat blonde chick on ladder get over it”. She said “You realize you’re not fat right?” and it stopped me cold.

I got all prettified tonight after all that work. Don’t know why I bothered maybe I will drink some wine. I think there is a chunk of dried paint stuck in my eye. Maybe wine will help.

Body is tired.

I just spent an hour sweeping a fifty pound bag of sand onto my new deck.

1) 50 pound bags of sand are freaking heavy.

2) Apparently, I need to do this to fill in the seams and stabilize the bricks. All I see is a beautiful deck covered in sand and it looks yucky.

I have been working hard for 5 hours. I have been thinking a lot while I have been working. That is not good for me and is all rolled into one.

It sprinkled, which is why I started the sanding project, but now the clouds are gone.

So far

I am only being half sarcastic when I say it is a perfect day for these projects. It is threatening to rain which sucks for the painting project in the middle of my yard. On the plus side there are clouds and it is not boiling hot.

My creepy neighbor was watching me scrape the eves. I am not sure which he was watching more my boobs bounce up and down or my inherited bat wings bouncing up and down. Either way, stop staring. Yes, there is a blond chick on a ladder- get over it.

The final color of the dresser is looking more pink than it is supposed to be. I bought deep garnet. Dark red with a deep purple thrown in so far it looks pinkish with purple thrown in. No pink in my house please. I have never been a fan of the color. Dry darker, dry darker.

I am covered in chunks of old paint. I am pretty sure I look like hell. I have to go buy something special for the furries. The twins have their birthday today. Yep, check I am the crazy cat lady by default.

Happy Friday everyone. If you see a crazy blonde chick on a ladder this summer and think it might be me. The code words are “Are you nuts?”

And for my next trick

I have tomorrow off. I have already set up my projects for tomorrow. I am going to sand the eves. That is not the exciting one though. I have been doing all these outside structural improvements.
Tomorrow I am doing something decorative. Tomorrow I am turning an unfinished dresser that I have into hopefully something pretty. I have it all cleaned and the sliders fixed. Tomorrow I am going to paint it. I love what notwhatihadinmind does with furniture and I have this awesome find from a junk store that I am basing my idea on. Different under colors, but hopefully the same kind of look.
Now I just want it to be light outside so I can start this thing.
Projects waned and so did my mood. Back to basics :-)

Hardest thing to read

Do you know how weird it is to get a message starting with the words “sorry to bug you”?

This from someone who for 10 years talked to me everyday and after we got together talked to me 50-100 times a day for three years (minus the break ups). This from the man who knows all my secrets and I thought I knew his.

"Sorry to bug you."

I want to erase all memories just *poof*

For absolutely no new reason

I am having a really shitty night. I bought supplies for a project this weekend, and even that isn’t helping me. I am just bone tired of feeling like an idiot, a failure. I am really fucked up right now and I can’t place where it is coming from. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Mouse trap

I want to and at this moment feel like I NEED to move. I am miserable here and I have always hated it. I have never fit in. Problem is I am terrified to move. It would be me, myself and I. I feel trapped, I feel like I will never get up the nerve to leave.

Plus where do I go? My job is not one you just transfer. No one is going to give me a “moving allowance”. I would have to sell my house in a bad market.

There is only place in this country that I have ever felt instantly at home- I can never move there.

What a weird problem made up problem. I have a house, I have a job- I am just not “living” here. It isn’t my place.

Truth

▪My freckles are multiplying and mutating into something. Let’s hope superpowers. Superpowers would be cool.

▫ I really wish I were one of those “next” type people.

▪ I seriously just used a dremel on the bottoms of my feet. Pretty sure I couldn’t pass as a native now. A babies ass maybe, but not a native.

▫ I might participate in TBT this week. I found a high school picture of me (sans face. Although you rarely saw my face in h.s.). I was VERY short and would wear my clothes at least 4 sizes bigger that I purchased at goodwill and got bullied a lot for being weird. I giggled when I found the picture.

▪I spilled my entire cup of coffee this morning and I looked so horrified that while I was cleaning it up. Someone who saw it ran and got me another one. Yeah, 5.5 hours sleep and no coffee would have been bad. Very grateful.

▫I found my theme song in my dad’s old cd’s and I can’t stop playing it.

▪I am avoiding Facebook right now. It only serves to make me crazy.

Boring truths are boring :-)

5.5 hours of sleep is not enough. I repeat not enough.

I am closer to my weird goal weight than I have been in 10 years. Yeah it isn’t even an even number which is strange. I have lost 18.5 pounds in a little over a month. 13 more to go. I don’t know why I picked that number but I did and it is stuck in my head. Broken hearts make projects happen. This time it is home repair and a bizarre weight/size thing.

I should start running again. It should also not be so freaking hot when I actually have the time to try it.

I am getting closer to hitting that goodbye button. I hate it, HATE it- but it is probably the best thing for me.

"Be careful of something that’s just what you want it to be"- is my new life motto.

Hope you all survived Monday and even had a good one.