Whatcha got? I got nothing

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Having glow in the dark skulls on my undies helped me sleep last night.

My schedule changes tomorrow 😪. I won’t be able to go to my favorite class anymore. Today I rocked out, added weight and even tried to help a girl who kept quitting. She quit anyway, but maybe she will come back. The instructor made me promise that I would show anytime I had a Monday or Wednesday off.

I only ran a mile today after my class. My old self just started laughing hysterically and is shaking her head that I am disappointed in only running a mile.

I still have so much to do. Today I think I will putter and maybe get a couple of small things done. I am not going to stress. I have enough of that without adding.

Hope your Wednesday is awesome.

Awesome toxic unders

I may have cried tonight/yesterday (depends on when you read), but I just discovered something that made me smile. I am laying here in bed when I notice that my undies are glowing. My skull undies that I bought are freaking glow in the dark! I giggled and that is an awesome thing to find out.

Workout called off due to crying headache

I just spent 2.5 hours with my hairdresser. She has cut my hair for 6 years. She has been through a lot with me. Today she wouldn’t let me leave until she pushed and pushed and made me cry. I hate crying and I hate feeling. I don’t want to talk about it. I want it all to go away.

Missed my class and I can’t make it to the later one as crying makes my head hurt. 😢

TT

💩 I just vacuumed in between my couch cushions. Yeah, I should do that more often. 😳

💩 I need an endpoint.

💩 I am worried about finding a place that will accept three cats. I see ads that say cats okay. Then you open them and it says cat okay with extra deposit. CAT singular. I wish I could just pick up my little house and take it with me. It is my safety net.

💩 I am avoiding work people. I played the appointments card, so I didn’t have to meet with them today.

💩 I am very different now. In some ways I love the change. In others I worry that I will never be okay again. If you ever think you are unimportant remember you have the ability to fuck someone up permanently.

So, I think this is officially my work shirt now. Whatcha think? Good plan? 

I did pour wine, but then I:  cleaned the front porch, watered all the trees and shrubs, finished remudding the back porch, scrubbed the mud off the patio and now I will drink my wine. 

The back patio I am proud of. Not just because I learned a new skill, but because when the tape started falling X told me that I shouldn’t try it myself that I should pay someone. He told me when it happened on his house he and his ex just paid a contractor. 

Well, I don’t make that kind of money and even if I did I would have done it myself. He didn’t think I could. Fuck off! 

I can and will take care of myself like I always have.

So, I think this is officially my work shirt now. Whatcha think? Good plan?

I did pour wine, but then I: cleaned the front porch, watered all the trees and shrubs, finished remudding the back porch, scrubbed the mud off the patio and now I will drink my wine.

The back patio I am proud of. Not just because I learned a new skill, but because when the tape started falling X told me that I shouldn’t try it myself that I should pay someone. He told me when it happened on his house he and his ex just paid a contractor.

Well, I don’t make that kind of money and even if I did I would have done it myself. He didn’t think I could. Fuck off!

I can and will take care of myself like I always have.

And now wine

I went to a coworkers house for a meeting today. You could fit three + of my house in hers. I love my house and I am proud of doing it on my own. That being said, it was kind of weird. Like I am not adult enough. I didn’t get the husband, corporate job, big house, kid thing.
I spent my life helping others, but never asking or getting anything or anyone for myself. I always wonder am I independent to a fault because I am or because circumstances dictate that I have to be in order to survive.
I think I am going to get crocked on wine for dinner. That sounds like a good plan.

Bonus 5 

Just randomly opening up cabinets and chucking things. Garbage, recycling, give away. I am not going to have much time after next week. It is freeing to dump stuff honestly.

I poured the perfume that I got with X into a reed defuser in the furries bathroom. I will never wear it and there seemed like a practical place to get rid of it.

A gave me some other ideas that are cheaper and easier than uhaul to move next year. I can’t do much. I can’t apply for jobs until at least January. I can’t look for places really until I know where I will be working.

Talking and chucking things makes me feel like I am not stuck. I am, but at least I am thinking.

OH I thought of my 7th one from this morning. I saw that I had given 55,555 hearts. I really like you guys.

Sunday 7 minus 1 

In the bottom of the bag under all the samples and candles I was given was the most perfect little black dress. I feel so pretty.

Last night there was an apocalyptic wind storm. The furries freaked out and started to claw at the windows, all night.

Funny I told my friends H and A, I was thinking of trying for a part time job at a community college. A told me the undeniable truth that I could probably make more money waiting tables a couple of days a week. That is super sad to me.

H had culled tons of her stuff when she got divorced. More when she moved from her first rental into her downtown loft. Now that she is moving again she is culling again. The fact that there is still so much scares me. She isn’t a stuff person or materialistic so it worries me for my great pack up.

H also gave me some info on old friends of mine. You know couple friends that I didn’t stay in touch with after the breakup. They don’t even live in this state anymore. That is so weird to me. How giant changes are going to happen and neither one of us will ever know.

It has been over a month since I had a cigarette.

I have another one to make it 7. Guess I will figure out later if I have something else to say.

I am super fancy and smell lovely

Today I helped a friend pack up for her move. She gave me all these sample and full sized unused Estée Lauder products. I got home a little while ago and I am covered from head to toe in them.

It is funny how much I love to play girl now. I can remud my own damn porch and pay the mortgage all on my own. But through all that I like looking pretty and playing girlie girl sometimes too.

💋

All the time I was running this morning all I could think of was nacho sauce. I came home and made the most glorious looking sauce for my pretzels. I was walking into the living room and dropped it straight on the carpet.

An hour later even after using the carpet cleaner there is a giant orange stain on the carpet and I want fucking cheese sauce.

Happy Saturday and may your cheese sauce make it to your mouth and not to your carpet. 😜